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Crunching the Cruncher
Candy bar review of the new Snickers Cruncher™

by Kenneth the Menneth
February 8, 2001

Crunching the Cruncher_Kenneth the Menneth-Candy bar review of the new Snickers Cruncher™ My eyes lit up and my mouth watered upon seeing the commercial during the Super Bowl: people stomping on little plastic dolls that spew worn-out catch phrases. Aside from that act of crunching, I don't know what that has to do with the new candy bar by Mars, but as a Snickers™ Classic lover, I was thrilled to see that a new variety was out. Sadly, the new blend of crisped rice, peanuts, caramel, and milk chocolate fails to meet expectations, despite my fondness for treats of a crispy nature.

Essentially, the Cruncher™ is nothing more than a Whatchamacallit™ with crushed peanuts and an attractive wrapper design. Even the shape imitates the latter bar's more flattened rectangularity. The taste is okay, just average, a step above a dry granola bar. It simply fails to overwhelm the consumer with a new taste that leaves one craving for more. Furthermore, and this is key to understanding why the Cruncher™ fails, it bears too little resemblance to the regular Snickers™ bar we all know and love. Had this been a spin-off of the Whatchamacallit™ bar, I might have declared this a success, since it would clearly belong in the same family as its predecessor. In the Snickers™ family, however, the Cruncher™ is an illegitimate child bringing shame to an otherwise respectable lineage.

In creating a new member of the Snickers™ family, it would have been much wiser to retain more of the original's consistency. The Cruncher™ does not have the capacity to be "filling," a characteristic which is practically synonymous with the old bar. I would have preferred, instead of the crisped rice, some kind of coconut filling. Maintain the same shape and maybe call it "Snickers Tropical." Or, take the same classic product and form it into little balls, a somewhat suspect but successful tactic employed by the makers of Butterfingers™ and Almond Joy™.

Unfortunately, I haven't seen a viable new addition to the candy aisle since Crispy M&Ms™ came out a couple of years ago. This is just the latest Crystal Pepsi™ of candy bars to come along in recent years, including Hershey's unimaginative blunders, Big Kat™ and ReeseSticks™ which disappointed devotees of KitKat™ and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups™ respectively. Likewise, Snickers™ fans are unlikely to be won over by this transparent marketing ploy by Mars, Inc.

Final rating: Two Cavities (out of four)

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