Back the Right Horse
by Dear Jon
May 19, 2009
The First Leg of the Triple Crown "Buzz Words" Races, the DC Derby, gets underway this week, only on the Partial Observer!
The "Buzz Words As Race Horses Triple Crown" got underway last week with a lot of fanfare, including appeals on FaceBook for people to read my article and vote. The response was whelming. Most people responded to the article in this way: "You know, you should have included THIS Buzz Word on your list," and then they would suggest something inane, as though Got Milk would be a great name for a race horse.
Here are some of the suggestions that people, whom I am pretty sure have not otherwise voted, told me could have been qualifiers:
Which Horse Has Borel
Stays in Vegas
Sub Prime Chapter Eleven
A Trillion There
Thanks for your help. Really. Please leave the comedy to the professionals.
In the six qualifying races almost every horse scored points. I thought that a name for a horse to bet on, called "Economic Stimulus," was a brilliant idea, but with a slow start at the Upside Downs, Economic Stimulus did not inspire any confidence. Any money put into Economic Stimulus went down the drain.
Among all the point getters there were also some stand-outs. Bail Out dominated the Upside Downs, defeating Media Clip by fourth lengths. Return the Bonus will appear in the Freakness.
Field Two is presenting the favorite for the Triple Crown: Rush to Judgment won the "Winner Take All" pulling away. With the most points and the most individual voters of any horse from any field, he really might win it all, even though his jockey is terribly overweight. Renewable Energy finished a distant second and will be a long shot in the DC Derby--it may still be too early to put your money in Renewable Energy, at least as far as DC is concerned. The rest of the field scored too few votes to send a horse to the Freakness.
Field Three ran the tightest pack of them all: The Unilateral went Multilateral, with a photo-finish for first place between Shock and Awe and Peace Dividend. Shock and Awe gets the edge with more individual voters. Mission Accomplished will reach the Freakness as a dark horse, and will have to face its stubborn competitor Rogue State, a fourth horse from the third field that simply would not fade down the stretch. With more votes and voters than the runners-up in Field Two, Rogue State gets the nod for the Freakness, to again harass, nip at the flanks, slow down and discourage Mission Accomplished.
Field Four will give Rush to Judgment the run for the Triple Crown: Except a strong showing from "Public Trials" winner Fog of War. Is It Torture qualifies, but is a long shot to appear in the top 6 and be approved to continue. Meanwhile the clownish little maverick Restart Button will get to take on the big winners of the DC in the Freakness.
In Field Five, the pretty filly with the long-legged gait What's Michele Wearing put in a disappointing run and will not appear in the Triple Crown. Running on dirt and despite a wet track in the Raucouc Caucus, Negative Campaign could not find traction in the slinging mud and finished well behind the qualifiers. Abundance of Caution wins a painfully slow and drawn-out race, with President of a Different Color set to appear in DC. Blue Collar flexed just enough muscle to show up in the Freakness.
In Field Six the Midterm Races got underway with Filly Buster taking control of the house and never looking back. Fleeting Glory will appear in DC. Hope He Fails, managed by the same team as Rush to Judgment, may make a statement yet in the Freakness.
All tie-breakers are governed by the judgment of Dear Jon, the commissioner of Buzz Words Horse Racing. For a complete list of rules, you may contact Dear Jon at the Partial Observer, and he will advise you to blow it out your ear.
You have until next Monday evening to get in your "bets," or votes. Here is the DC Derby Race Form, in descending order of total points.
Rush to Judgment
Fog of War
Abundance of Caution
Shock and Awe
President of a Different Color
Is It Torture
And they're off! Will Fog of War bide his time on the heels of Rush to Judgment? Will Bail Out throw Abundance of Caution to the wind? Will Shock and Awe topple the front-runners? And WHERE is Peace Dividend?
Remember, while the top six vote-getters advance to the Freakness, please ONLY vote for three horses: To win, place, and show. Please vote early and vote often. Really. Voting more than once is okay!
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