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ARMCHAIR ANALYST The Greatest Things Ever
Enjoy them before the world ends.
by James Leroy Wilson
December 19, 2012
There was talk in some quarters of the world ending on December 21, 2012, based on the Mayan Calendar. Coincidentally, in The Cosmic Trigger, Robert Anton Wilson writes of the McKenna brothers' calculation that a new consciousness will set in on Dec 22, 2012. That book is from the late 1970's and the Mayan Calendar was never mentioned.
Even if neither come to pass, it's always healthy to take stock of the good things in life and express gratitude. So now is the time to list the greatest things ever, just in case you missed out on them.
By "greatness," I don't mean instrumentalities. The invention of the printing press, for example, was wonderful as an instrumentality; we're grateful for the machine, but only because of the great things that were printed.
Light bulbs, laws, the computer, ideas, ovens, washing machines, etc. -- these are instrumentalities we can be thankful for.
Other things - favorite foods, smells, music, beauty - are matters of individual taste.
It's wrong even to rank the greatest movies or novels. Who has time to see or read all of them?
All we're left with, then, are the things that really matter. Aside from #1, any of these can be ranked in any order. Enjoy them before the world ends:
10.Greatest Pope ever:
9. Greatest complaint ever:
8. Greatest conversation ever: I couldn't get it to post here, but go to this link and scroll to the video at the bottom.
7. Greatest tips and advice ever:
6. Greatest absurdity ever: Houston Oilers quarterback George Blanda's 1962 stat line: 42 interceptions (3 per game) and a 47% completion percentage, but an 11-3 record and a double-overtime loss to the Dallas Texans in the AFL Championship.
5. Greatest individual achievement ever: pitcher Steve Carlton's 1972 stat line: 1.97 Earned Run Average. Led league in strikeouts and innings pitched. But that's not why he's on this list. His team, the Phillies, was 27-10 with him, 32-87 without him.
4. Greatest musical number ever. Never understood why Shani Wallis never got another major part again, but she carried this. It is the most plausible way a sing-along dance number could actually occur in real life. Plus, it is filled with suspense:
3. Greatest truth, or greatest satire of conspiracy theories (who knows, exactly?) ever:
2. Greatest Press Conference Ever:
1. Greatest thing ever. You've probably seen this before, but not in its full context. There was an amazing finish BEFORE the amazing finish: