Contact Us    
Sort 405

The Morning After Monday Night Football: Waiting for the World to End

by Dear Jon
October 6, 2009

Bookmark and Share
Sort 405


Dear Jon,

if the world is going to end then why hasnt it people say it was suppose to end 2005 and 1996 but it didnt so why would it in 2021?

Dear Blank,

It won't end until 2021 because that will give movie producers enough time to make sequels to the movie 2012, which is coming to theatres in November of 2009 so that we can all have a couple of years to fret about its premise.

Besides, if the world ended before 2021, that would cut short Brett Favre's career in football. How else can he set a record for 600 consecutive starts?

Other reasons to keep the world around until 2021:

  1. It will confirm the hope held by dyslexic readers of movie advertisements everywhere. 
  1. It will prove once and for all that the ancient Mayans were just primitive superstitious savages since their calculations were off by a whole nine years, score another one for Manifest Destiny!
  1. That might be enough time to see whether this global recession will end.
  1. Kids have to wait 12 more years to use the excuse that they don't need to do their homework because the world will end anyway.
  1. All those people answering radio ads about bankruptcy this year, will have two whole years to rebuild their credit score; it's nice to die with a sense of accomplishment and net worth, and people won't be dying that way if the world ends as soon as 2012.
  1. A string of consecutive Super Bowl victories by Aaron Rodgers some time in the next twelve years will help Green Bay Packers fans live down Monday Night, October 5, 2009. Or not.
  1. Hilary Clinton still needs her shot at the presidency. Or wait, is it hell that needs to freeze over first? Or pigs flying? I won't mention anything about it happening over my dead body, since she seems quite astute at arranging such things.
  1. By 2021 archaeologists will definitely prove that the Mayans never, ever foresaw a Black President of the United States, which kind of supports reason number 2, but doesn't really, either.
  1. I will need at least that much time to finish my doctoral program. And no, my Ph.D. is not in counseling or therapy. Dear Jon is purely an uncertified quack. I may have been a little strong with that disclaimer in earlier sorts, though, considering the quantity of letters I've been receiving that ask for anything resembling real advice.
  1. Read ‘em and weep, South America: Chicago Olympics, 2024! Wait, when is the world supposed to end again?
  1. You know, if the world ended in 2012, Chicago sports fans would console themselves that the Cubs had everything it took to go all the way in 2013. God needs to stretch it out at least to 2021, so that Cubs fans get the point already. It WILL NEVER happen because it WOULD NEVER happen. Ever. 
  1. By 2021 Brett Favre will be a Chicago Bear anyway, their new franchise gun-slinging quarterback to step in after the Jay Cutler era, and all football fans north of Kenosha will be praying for the world to end.
  1. Maybe by 2021 you will also have learned some basic grammar, or will the world have to end first?

Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*

Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.

Please type the letters you see above.


Bookmark and Share

Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)

RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article It Was John's Time
Celebrating the legacy of Congressman John Lewis
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/30/20
Here is the Church
A new look at a childhood finger play
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/24/20
The Guardians of Right
Who ultimately should decide what is left?
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/17/20
Wear a Mask!
A pandemic plea for courtesy
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/10/20
A Prayer for the Divided States of America
Interceding for our Uncle Sam
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/2/20
About Those Monuments
Why attempts to revise history is risky
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/26/20
A Father's Day Wish List
What I pray for my progeny
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/19/20

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.

RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?
Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2020 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top