Contact Us    
Sort 242

Millionaires and the Women Who Love Them.

by Dear Jon
November 18, 2003

Bookmark and Share

Sort 242_Dear Jon-Millionaires and the Women Who Love Them ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

With Ahnold becoming Governor, and forest fires running rampant, is now a good time to move out of California?

West Coaster

Dear Coaster,

With Spanish rule, then the Gold Rush bust, San Francisco Earthquakes I and II, the Dust Bowl invasion, the Hollywood blacklisting, the arrival of the Dodgers, the departure of the Rams, freeway shootings, and rolling power outages, was there ever a good time to move TO California?


Dear Jon,

Do you think the new version of "Joe Millionaire," where FOX tries to fool women of Europe into believing some American schmuck is a millionaire, will better or worsen our relations with that part of the world?

Worldly Watcher

Dear Watcher,

All parties remotely interested in this event are getting exactly what they deserve. However, for relations to be worse than they are now, Europeans would require some semblance of shame. Considering their nude beaches, unshaven legs and unisex restrooms, I doubt that many Europeans will care or be insulted by what is happening.

However, to really spice things up, the next series should be “Joe Millionaire III: 1001 Arabian Nights.” Here is the concept: Women from Qatar, Kuwait, Yemen and Saudi Arabia tell their fathers and brothers that they are being courted by a Bosnian Muslim who has gotten rich in England with a chain of clothing stores. The suitor turns out to be a dirt poor iron-ship loading Unitarian from Upper Michigan!

Ha ha! The laughs would never stop! And imagine the follow-up “where are they now?” stories, as angry families drag their daughters to Mosque trials on charges of blasphemy and prostitution for bringing a thousand generations of shame on her family. Silly girls, they should have read the small print, “The Network is not responsible for any public floggings or executions that might result from your behaviors on our program.”

That would warm up relations with the Arab world, see, because us Americans would learn lots about their customs and stuff. Like, how hard it is for some folks from that side of the world to forgive an insult. Plus, them Arabs would learn about the American way, and how important it is to read the small print anytime you conduct business with Americans, whether Haliburton or FOX, because that’s the American way.

The miracle of television would bring these two worlds together! You think?


Dear Jon,

How much money do I have to make before I can "buy friends" and have an entourage of lackeys and hangers-ons?

Big Spender

Dear Spender,

More than I will ever see. But you could PRETEND to have money and then choose between twelve prospective super-model brides.

Thought for the Day: Last week the stamp vending machine at the Post Office returned a dollar coin to me as change, and then I couldn't get that dollar coin to work in the machine. It just kept sliding through to the coin return. So I could only buy four books of stamps instead of five, because the machine wouldn't accept the money it had given me. That's really dumb.

Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*

Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.

Please type the letters you see above.


Bookmark and Share

Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
Sort 242
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)

RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article A Prayer for the Divided States of America
Interceding for our Uncle Sam
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/2/20
About Those Monuments
Why attempts to revise history is risky
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/26/20
A Father's Day Wish List
What I pray for my progeny
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/19/20
It's Time to Take a Stand
Contrasting two Georges
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/12/20
"I Can't Breathe!"
Why Jesus understands George Floyd
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/5/20
Like a Mighty Wind, God's Spirit
A new hymn for Pentecost Sunday
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 5/29/20
Memorial Day is a Memory Jogger
Paying tribute to those who purchased our freedom
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 5/22/20

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.

RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?

Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2020 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top