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X's and I's

A look at Super Bowl XXXVIII.

by Fantana
February 2, 2004

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X's and I's_FANTANA-A look at Super Bowl XXXVIII Welcome to Super Bowl XXXVVVVIIIIIIII... gad! Can we can the stupid Roman numerals already?? Welcome to Super Bowl 38! Man, that so much easier to read. This year the Super Bowl is in February because the season just wasn’t long enough before, and every team needs at least three bye-weeks when they prepare for the playoffs!

First we had a touching tribute to the Columbia space shuttle victims, sung by Josh Groping, er, Grobin. Then Beyoncé wanted to prove that she too could look like J Lo while singing the national anthem. Both teams entered the field without introductions, because there’s no “I” in team, however, there are MVPs.

Finally we had a bunch of NFL greats stand around for the coin toss performed by the legendary Y.A. Tittle (he’s still alive?) Tittle looked a little lost; as if he couldn’t understand why no one gave back the coin he tossed. And then the game began, sort of.

Carolina’s offense got an impressive –7 yards, while the Patriots kicker Adam Vinaterri missed two field goals, because the Super Bowl was indoors with seventy degree weather, and the was no snow being blown around. Approximately 25 minutes after the Super Bowl started, the Super Bowl started, when the Pats finally scored a touchdown. At half time, Phil Sims states the obvious, “This is an ugly game.”

The great thing about the non-existent scoring for most of the first half is that it allowed viewers to concentrate on the commercials better. The Ford GT-40 is one of the most beautiful cars in the world. Unfortunately, at over $100,000, most football fans can’t afford it. Budweiser apparently not only spent a fortune with several new ads, they also must have paid CBS extra money *not* to air any other beer companies commercials! The most entertaining of the Bud commercials? The horse fart. Runners-up are Cedric the Entertainer’s accidental bikini wax, and the ref used to being chewed out.

But my vote for best ad goes to H&R Block, for the talking Willie Nelson “advice” doll; funny because of Nelson’s own IRS troubles. Anti-tobacco also places a wicked commercial with its “shardsoglass” ice cream bars.

AOL also must have dropped a small fortune, considering how many commercials they got, plus the halftime show. The first commercial was amusing, but the gag got old quick. Besides, how many viewers who don’t have cable know these guys make custom motorbikes and have their own TV show?

The one time I miss the halftime show, and Janet Jackson’s breast gets exposed! Oh, cruel fate!

Anyone see the “lingerie bowl?” Apparently a bunch of supermodels and Playboy playmates played football in their underwear during halftime on a pay-per-view event. I didn’t see it either, but according to some who did, they actually played football!! What a waste!

Back in the real game, Panthers head coach John Fox proves that even Super Bowl caliber coaches can make stupid mistakes, as he tells his team to go for two twice—and fails both times! But just when the Pats seem to have it under wraps, back come the Panthers! Ricky Proehl deserves the” best effort in a losing cause” award, as he took some nasty hits while keeping the Cats marching up the field. And just when you think the game is going into overtime, out walks Vinaterri again; 9 seconds left, tie score, 100% pressure, now Vinaterri can score! So of course the Super Bowl MVP award goes to QB Tom Brady!

Anyway Super Bowl 38 was certainly (fill in adjective here)! I can hardly wait two years from now, when the halftime show for Super Bowl XL (that’s 40, not “extra large”) will be the Winter Olympics opening ceremony!

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