Contact Us    

Apocalypse of Jon Deer

Chapter 5: Before the Final Battle.

by Jon Deer
September 17, 2004

Bookmark and Share

Chapter 5
» Chapters 1-3
» Chapter 4

I looked up and behold, a rider on a white horse! A voice summoned him from among the Raiders, and said, "go out and make my team the undisputed champions again." He had a play book in his hand, and he galloped into the cornfields to teach the huskers how to throw a ball.

Now there were four coaches at the corners of the earth, one at Washington, one at Southern California, one in Miami, and one at Penn State. And a fifth coach came and said to them, "You will again dominate the earth, but you must vote your conscience when it comes to the BCS standings." And there at the Rose Bowl 144,000 who had bought tickets and come down to watch the Badgers, but lo, they had no tickets.

12,000 had come from Madison, and 12,000 from Milwaukee, and 12,000 from Green Bay, and 12,000 from the Waukesha/Oconomowoc area, and 12,000 from the Rhineland, and 12,000 from Eau Claire as far as the Red River, and 12,000 from Steven's Point, and 12,000 from Appleton, and 12,000 from Oshkosh, and 12,000 from the Dells, and 12,000 from Kenosha, and 12,000 from Beloit.

But there was an even greater multitude that had turned out for the Rose Parade. They held flowers in their hands and said, 

"Thank God we're watching this live and not getting the cheesy commentary from Day Time Soap Opera actors."

There are seven bowls the next day, but that all comes later. No one who reads this and the vision of the bowls that comes afterward and the computer standings that compute the national champion will be half as confused as this writer. "By myself I have sworn," saith the Lord God of Hosts and Hostesses (inclusive language translation), "The one who figures out a way to declare an undisputed champion without shutting down the gravy train of college bowl games, shall be given a place at my right hand, and all sports shall be put under his or her (right, like any woman cares enough to give this issue half a thought, but we're being inclusive even when it makes no sense at all) feet."

And then the man on the white horse ended the scrimmage against a 1-AA team, and lo, they had scored 8 times by 7 points, including many by throwing the ball, and there was great rejoicing in the corn fields. And a voice inside my head said, "Where is all that cheering coming from?"

"I have no idea?" I said, "since no radio in Illinois carries Nebraska games."

The voice said, "That cheer comes from the fans of the Monsters of the Midway, who are rising out of the land and sea and setting their faces to consume the north. But they will be slain by the rod of anger, the man of justice on whom I have poured my favre, in order to avenge the 144,000 who went to the Rose Bowl for nothing. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*

Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.

Please type the letters you see above.


Bookmark and Share

Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
Apocalypse of Jon Deer
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Jon Deer
Apocalypse, the Next Installment
A vision of the End Zones continued.
by Jon Deer, 1/17/04
The Apocalypse of Jon Deer
A Vision of the End Zones.
by Jon Deer, 11/24/03
He Won't Come Back
by Jon Deer, 9/18/01
Horoscope for Week of September 9
Attn.: Concerned American
by Jon Deer, 9/9/01
Horoscope for Week of September 2
The meaning of Yabba Dabba Doo.
by Jon Deer, 9/3/01
Horoscope for Week of August 26
What goes up must come down.
by Jon Deer, 8/27/01
Horoscope for the Week of August 19, 2001
Bad news for western states.
by Jon Deer, 8/19/01
» Complete List (13)

Recently Published
View Article More Than Gold
Pressing the pause button in order to play
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/30/21
Coming Together in Tokyo
The most important race in the Olympics
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/23/21
Weather by the Book
What the Bible has to say about our climate (and so much more)
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/16/21
When Life Collapses Unexpectedly
Reflecting on the condo collapse in South Florida
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/9/21
America Once Beautiful
New lyrics to a familiar tune
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/2/21
The Unmasked Bandit
Reflecting on a year of being held hostage
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/25/21
A Prodigal Father's Day
The patient, persistent, unconditional love of our Heavenly Father
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/18/21

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.

RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?

Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2021 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top