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"The Horoscope of Bel-Darius Jonas, Chaldean Magi"

As Channelled through Jon Deer

by Jon Deer
July 15, 2001

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The Horoscope of Bel-Darius Jonas, Chaldean Magi_Jon Deer-As Channelled through Jon Deer So far, the response from my first horoscope has been that I am a "fruitcake," and that astrology is "hogwash." However, since no one has asked me NOT to submit a horoscope, I bow to the wishes of the vast silent majority. Here is my forecast for July 15:

Aries: No one will laugh if you take an umbrella.

Taurus: Look for many blades of green grass this week.

Gemini: Call your mother.

Cancer: Smoking is bad for you.

Leo: Wear a seatbelt.

Virgo: You will regret having taken your kids to see "AI," having told them that when you were a kid, that guy had made a really great movie called "ET."

Libra: Call your mother.

Scorpio: A penny saved is a penny earned.

Sagittarius: I'm so sorry.

Capricorn: An "OJ Film Festival" is still about three years away from being a funny theme for a party.

Aquarius: Let the sunshine in.

Pisces: Call your mother.

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Mr. Sarcasm writes:
July 19, 2001
This Jon Deer is a moron! What kind of stupid horoscopes are these?! Call your mother? I got a horoscope for you -- GET A LIFE!

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