Contact Us    
Sort 387

Attention Span

by Dear Jon
June 2, 2009

Bookmark and Share
Sort 387

Dear Reader,

Given the response to the Buzz Words as Race Horses contest, the winner should have been a horse called Short Attention Span. After Sort 386, which wrote up the call on the DC Derby, we did not get many racing forms cast for The Freakness. Such as it is, because one person cared enough to cast multiple ballots, the big winners are Fog of War, Rush to Judgment, and Bail Out, all by several lengths. The final race is the National Stakes invitational. That race form appears below. All the usual rules(?) apply. Fog of War has the inside track to win the Triple Crown.

Meanwhile, in case you are wondering, I do still take letters for advice. For example, someone might be wanting advice on how to get a job in this current economic climate. Someone else might want to know about rules for dating when wallets are lean. Does something have to be expensive to be romantic, the person (male) will ask. Ah, such wisdom I could share for times like these.

But of course, my readers are all too busy looking for jobs and registering at dating sites.

Maybe advice columnists, even humorous ones, are a thing of the past? After all, who has time to laugh at themselves when they are already two months behind on the rent? Who wants to chuckle at the humorous take on the gender gap by a post-contemporary middle-brow snob? Answer: Approximately as many as have submitted racing forms.

Whatever your opinion may be, I think "Fog of War" and "President of a Different Color" should be registered as real race horses. Just because I'm not appreciated does not mean I'm not a genius. 

Now for my next schtick: professional wrestling against women.

So here is the race form. I'm already eighteen hours behind dead-line and feeling sorry for myself, as you can tell. So if you want to help me out of my funk, you can do two things: Cast your ballot for the National Stakes, OR, WRITE ME A LETTER!

Fog of War

Rush to Judgment

Bail Out

President of a Different Color

Shock and Awe

Rogue State

Mission Accomplished

Return the Bonus

Restart Button

Media Clip

Comments (3)

Post a Comment

James Leroy Wilson writes:
June 3, 2009
Media Clip is still my favorite.

2. Bail Out
3. Fog of War

PJ the Bandit from Cowboy Country writes:
June 5, 2009
How about we upset Fog of War with a long-shot?

1. Media Clip
2. Return the Bonus
3. Bail Out

Horse Lover from Central Virginia writes:
June 5, 2009
1. Rush to Judgment
2. Shock and Awe
3. President of a Different Color

Go, Rush!
(the horse)

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*

Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.

Please type the letters you see above.


Bookmark and Share

Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)

RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article More Than Gold
Pressing the pause button in order to play
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/30/21
Coming Together in Tokyo
The most important race in the Olympics
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/23/21
Weather by the Book
What the Bible has to say about our climate (and so much more)
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/16/21
When Life Collapses Unexpectedly
Reflecting on the condo collapse in South Florida
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/9/21
America Once Beautiful
New lyrics to a familiar tune
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 7/2/21
The Unmasked Bandit
Reflecting on a year of being held hostage
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/25/21
A Prodigal Father's Day
The patient, persistent, unconditional love of our Heavenly Father
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 6/18/21

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.

RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?
Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2021 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top