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Sort 430: Forwarding Fear

Spam with a side of mashed logic

by Dear Jon
May 25, 2010

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Sort 430: Forwarding Fear

Fw: Fw: Fw: Obama's Secret Muslim Army

Right now in Deerborn, Michigan, there is a special training program in the basements of mosques, where ten thousand suicide bombers are being indoctrinated to target WalMart's all over America on a single day. And do you know who is funding this secret army? The Committee to re-elect Obama in 2012.

It's true! It has to be! Because you read it on the internet!

If you don't send this to all your friends it's because you don't love me anymore!

Liberals need to stop laughing about the hypocrisy of gay-bashing conservatives who have turned out to be closet homesexuals! Liberals need to get on board with the rest of mainstream America and become AFRAID.


Afraid of immigrants.

Afraid of Muslims.

Afraid of government wanting to bail out big business--unless it is Bush's government, which began the "print money" program for the marketers of toxic debt.

Afraid of government entitlement programs--unless they are Bush's initiatives, like for prescription drugs for seniors.

Afraid of SOCIALIZED MEDICINE, because we need to keep the government OUT of our Medicare!

Afraid of pundits and wonks with long memories, because that might inspire critical thinking.

Afraid of women wanting high office, unless they are bubble-headed dolls from the North Pole.

Afraid of scaling back the military.

Afraid of scaling back the Patriot Act. Because true patriots are in favor of more jack-booted minions of federal agencies keeping us all safe!

Afraid of expanding military operations to Pakistan---unless Bush was doing that first when it was critical to the national interest, who can remember anymore?

Afraid of drilling offshore and of expanding nuclear energy and cutting back on foreign oil dependency, because look at the disaster in the gulf. We mainstream AMERICANS have ALWAYS believed, for almost 18 whole MONTHS, that the only way to promote American strength was by keeping up our levels of petroleum consumption through Arab suppliers.

AFRAID of any news source not affiliated with Rupert Murdoch.

Afraid to think.

And then, when we are all AFRAID enough, we can begin to dictate policy:

1. Torture is completely wrong unless the person being tortured is a "terrorist." By terrorist we mean anyone who was caught shooting at our liberators, in the mistaken and narrow Islamicist belief that they were defending sovereign territory from foreign invaders.

2. My grandparents came to America in 1913 to make us the strongest nation in the world, and the only way we can be that is if we close our borders to immigrants!

3. Muslims are using our freedom of religion against us! Muslims are using our freedom of speech against us! Within 35 years there will be enough Muslims in America to take away our freedoms! So let's show them! Let's take away our freedoms first! In your collective impersonal face, Muslims!

4. (This next one can only be whispered.) Once we get past all this "politically correct" foolishness,  we all know that REALLY the Statue of Liberty and the Constitution's Bill of Rights were only meant for white people. Hopefully after the mid-terms we will be able to say that a little bit louder.

5. Go Texas Board of Ed.! Now THAT is real fear in action.

Dear Readers,

Enough with the satire. My conclusion is that fear is not necessarily unAmerican, but it brings us closer.

To those of you who think you are doing me a favor with your educational spam with its heaping side dishes of mashed logic and pureed historical revisionism, I want you to chew on this:

If you want the terrorists to win, you are already giving them the beach-head by being afraid of them. Once you have settled on fear as your general approach to life and society, you will be able to give license to the unconstitutional measures of closed borders and torture that correspond to your desire for absolute safety. Just don't call yourself a patriot, or even an American, because you have no idea what it means to be either.

And if you think you can score a point by screeching that I am a liberal and a defeatist, you only prove yourself a moron. 

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